Can you across this article today that really triggered something that I’ve been observing in various social and academic disciplines. Th growing resistance to have uncomfortable, challenging conversations with new professionals, students, and those who we disagree with.
Fact: I can disagree with you and still like you
Fact: I don’t have to like you to agree with you
It’s not harsh. It’s realistic and time for us to stop sugar coating discussions because it may make some people uncomfortable. Respectful and engaged dialoges can be uncomfortable, you can make those involved in the process struggle, stretch, reconsider their actions and their thoughts. The ability to stay in that “uncomfortable moment” is what gives birth to that process.
But we’ve moved away from the honesty of discussions towards a misaligned interpretation “correctness” that seeks insist that discussions be more like “playing nice” instead of being a process that achieves a common unified outcome.
To achieve any level of comfort, means you must struggle and get through the discomfort.
Photography by the very talented InkedKenny via https://medium.com/@SFLDG
Folks- kinky or not.. this is a quick resource that is very handy to have. No matter if it is for yourself, friends or clients – knowing who and what is available to support those with substance use concerns is critical on many levels of a person’s life.
Note: Luke Adams (EmergeATCF.org) is a certified sexual health specialist with the American College of Sexologists, offers relationship advice and other psychotherapy, and is a lifetime member of the Association for Transpersonal Psychology.
While reading some of my morning Medium.com bloggers, I came across this one today that prompted me to pause. Mostly because it’s been a growing theme I continue to see and bothers me both as a leader and as a participant on many teams/colleague based processes.
Check out the full article above – its a great read and has some really insightful thinking behind it.
I found this hit home for me— I see it all the time; leaderships on paper will be ready to “evaluate” and do “365’s” on the workforce, teams, products — even themselves. But when you really do a deep dive into the text of the questions chosen; you find they either the senior leader themselves or the supporting posse of “yes people” create these assessments with imbedded passive resistance, fear and lack of self commitment built into the frame of the questions and the limitations on the ways the workforce can respond. The really tough ones are cached in soft language — often because the senior leader may have a sensitivity to hearing the raw reaction of his or her workforce. Worse yet is the survey that comes out that illustrates how little the top levels understand the supporting teams. Inevitably the final set of questions are so bland and “safe” that staff and teams are forced to “answer” the best or option that isn’t even reflective of opinion, over be able to indicate how they truly might respond.
I think for any real measure of success (especially for all you band-wagon jumpers trying to force feed organizations with Sigma Six and Lean systems) should allow the workforce to provide the survey questions — NOT your communications or “advisory” cabal. Then allow you, to hear the results in real time, with out any sanitized review. This pervading theme of “I don’t want any surprises” form of leadership instills fear and minimizes efficient change and growth at the cost of a few egos.
Each time I hear a senior leader, when asked about staff retention rates and sinking morale, and I hear them spin it as a soundbite to play better with the more senior boss or colleagues with the we did our job frame – I want to scream -“NO, You Haven’t”. Being told and reading such lines as “Well as they move on, I feel I have done my job, our (insert org) has trained those people to go on and succeed elsewhere based on the amazing work they do, so I don’t see it as a problem or retention…”
So it always makes me wonder if they even care how disingenuous that sounds or as simply that ignorant of what that sounds like to folks struggling to keep up on the increasing demands. The teams are leaving not because they want to in many cases, but because they are being made to feel unsafe, devalued and unchallenged. This isn’t industry specific. I have seen it from the non-profit to the for profit, private and public sectors. Because ultimately it is easier to let good people go, than step up and change an work environment that requires the senior leadership to change and actually put effort being buzz words like “transparency” “change leadership”, “workforce morale” and “staff development”.
I really enjoy this article from 2015 on “Three Ways to Coach the Person, Not the Problem” and found one quote telling “… a leader who cares about growing and developing your people, has to coach them, not their problems”until the moment I realized that for some, the leader is the problem itself… as has so well documented in the last several weeks nationally, but also in many local and city programs, we still have an institutional breakdown on how to fix leadership from the bottom up.
With so many leaders moving and pushing towards Sigma Six and Lean processes for efficiency and looking at these as a way to improve patient care (in the likes of public health, which these trending methods have become the “in” fix for the last several years) – I find that many of those same senior leaders avoid asking the hard evaluative questions about the leadership they themselves are representing. Yet they are all about making it crucial that they put this on the Directors that report to them.
This distance and lack of “real” honesty about self-awareness and critical feedback to all levels is where I see the big fail is on these new “lean” systems.
Taken from the article and how I would so love to see more answer…
Ask Questions with the Word “You” in Them: Questions that have “you” in them put the focus on the person, not the problem. They cause people to think and reflect. Examples include:
What are you trying to accomplish?
What’s important about that to you?
What have you tried so far?
What’s got you stuck?
What else could you do?
What would you need to do that?
What are the next few steps you could take to move things forward?
While reading some of my morning Medium.com bloggers, I came across this one today that prompted me to pause. Mostly because it’s been a growing theme I continue to see and bothers me both as a leader and as a participant on many teams/colleague based processes.
I really enjoy this article from 2015 on “