The Engaged Mentor Daily
If you liked the @hacktheprocess episode (ep43) featuring my interview and the journey I took towards becoming me. [You can see my #Engage! post on it here: https://mentorsf.com/everyone-makes-the-journey-to-success-that-works-for-them-here-is-my-version-what-will-yours-be/
Check out the latest podcast ep44 featuring @SatoriPrime and hear how these two spin experience toward mindful marketing & #coaching http://www.hacktheprocess.com/
Everyone makes the journey to success that works for them. Here is one version of mine. What will yours be?
Earlier last week, an interview I sat for, from the Hack the Process (HTP) podcast program went live on Soundcloud and iTunes .
While it is always with some nervousness I share some of my thoughts and history around the opportunities and directions I took towards becoming who I am today. HTP host M. David Green couldn’t have made it much easier and more comfortable. One of the parts I liked best was that he also takes the extra time to add various links mentioned during the interview and lists them below the podcast itself the HTP podcast website Allowing folks to read more about the mentioned resources or people.
When Episode 43 launched the other morning, I took some time to listen to it (or rather me) share and answer some of his questions. My first thought was – “Really?? – 45 mins of me! thats a lot of me“. But as I listened, what I heard was a series of vignettes and stories that illustrated a journey that had both intertwined and intersections from work, love, family, pain, identity, perseverance, and survival. Sometimes I was on linear path towards a goal and other times I was working concurrently in parallel. I hope to be take some time over the next month to edit the sound file into smaller more digestible sound bites and create some more personally narrative posts to share some of my more individual life lessons.
But in the mean time – please feel free to listen and/or share my story with your lists, students, friends. I intend to leave the comment box open on this post for people can add comments here if you choose not to leave them on the podcast site.
Note: If you choose to share the link by Twitter or on Linkedin.com, include my profile @FVStrona. If you want to share on your own blogs – link back to here as well!
About Hack The Process and it’s host M. David Green: He is a writer and agile business coach, and the founder of Agile That Works, a consultancy that helps people in engineering organizations collaborate more effectively to make constant improvement a daily practice.If you have ideas or a pitch to be a guest on the podcast, they have a page just for that!
Can you across this article today that really triggered something that I’ve been observing in various social and academic disciplines. Th growing resistance to have uncomfortable, challenging conversations with new professionals, students, and those who we disagree with.
Fact: I can disagree with you and still like you
Fact: I don’t have to like you to agree with you
It’s not harsh. It’s realistic and time for us to stop sugar coating discussions because it may make some people uncomfortable. Respectful and engaged dialoges can be uncomfortable, you can make those involved in the process struggle, stretch, reconsider their actions and their thoughts. The ability to stay in that “uncomfortable moment” is what gives birth to that process.
But we’ve moved away from the honesty of discussions towards a misaligned interpretation “correctness” that seeks insist that discussions be more like “playing nice” instead of being a process that achieves a common unified outcome.
To achieve any level of comfort, means you must struggle and get through the discomfort.
Photography by the very talented InkedKenny via https://medium.com/@SFLDG
Folks- kinky or not.. this is a quick resource that is very handy to have. No matter if it is for yourself, friends or clients – knowing who and what is available to support those with substance use concerns is critical on many levels of a person’s life.
Take a few minutes to read it, post it and share it, if you haven’t already done so: Getting Help with Drug and Alcohol Abuse — A San Francisco Bay Area Quick Resource Guide
Along the same lines you might want to check out the post by Luke Adams of EmergeATCF.org; which also addresses some interesting connecting between substance use and sex: Hot Fetish and Kink — Without Being Lit
Note: Luke Adams (EmergeATCF.org) is a certified sexual health specialist with the American College of Sexologists, offers relationship advice and other psychotherapy, and is a lifetime member of the Association for Transpersonal Psychology.
While reading some of my morning Medium.com bloggers, I came across this one today that prompted me to pause. Mostly because it’s been a growing theme I continue to see and bothers me both as a leader and as a participant on many teams/colleague based processes.
The 9 questions that uncover the most surprising insights from employees Written by Claire Lew from KnowYourCompany.com
Check out the full article above – its a great read and has some really insightful thinking behind it.
I found this hit home for me— I see it all the time; leaderships on paper will be ready to “evaluate” and do “365’s” on the workforce, teams, products — even themselves. But when you really do a deep dive into the text of the questions chosen; you find they either the senior leader themselves or the supporting posse of “yes people” create these assessments with imbedded passive resistance, fear and lack of self commitment built into the frame of the questions and the limitations on the ways the workforce can respond. The really tough ones are cached in soft language — often because the senior leader may have a sensitivity to hearing the raw reaction of his or her workforce. Worse yet is the survey that comes out that illustrates how little the top levels understand the supporting teams. Inevitably the final set of questions are so bland and “safe” that staff and teams are forced to “answer” the best or option that isn’t even reflective of opinion, over be able to indicate how they truly might respond.
I think for any real measure of success (especially for all you band-wagon jumpers trying to force feed organizations with Sigma Six and Lean systems) should allow the workforce to provide the survey questions — NOT your communications or “advisory” cabal. Then allow you, to hear the results in real time, with out any sanitized review. This pervading theme of “I don’t want any surprises” form of leadership instills fear and minimizes efficient change and growth at the cost of a few egos.
Each time I hear a senior leader, when asked about staff retention rates and sinking morale, and I hear them spin it as a soundbite to play better with the more senior boss or colleagues with the we did our job frame – I want to scream -“NO, You Haven’t”. Being told and reading such lines as “Well as they move on, I feel I have done my job, our (insert org) has trained those people to go on and succeed elsewhere based on the amazing work they do, so I don’t see it as a problem or retention…”
So it always makes me wonder if they even care how disingenuous that sounds or as simply that ignorant of what that sounds like to folks struggling to keep up on the increasing demands. The teams are leaving not because they want to in many cases, but because they are being made to feel unsafe, devalued and unchallenged. This isn’t industry specific. I have seen it from the non-profit to the for profit, private and public sectors. Because ultimately it is easier to let good people go, than step up and change an work environment that requires the senior leadership to change and actually put effort being buzz words like “transparency” “change leadership”, “workforce morale” and “staff development”.
I really enjoy this article from 2015 on “Three Ways to Coach the Person, Not the Problem” and found one quote telling “… a leader who cares about growing and developing your people, has to coach them, not their problems” until the moment I realized that for some, the leader is the problem itself… as has so well documented in the last several weeks nationally, but also in many local and city programs, we still have an institutional breakdown on how to fix leadership from the bottom up.
With so many leaders moving and pushing towards Sigma Six and Lean processes for efficiency and looking at these as a way to improve patient care (in the likes of public health, which these trending methods have become the “in” fix for the last several years) – I find that many of those same senior leaders avoid asking the hard evaluative questions about the leadership they themselves are representing. Yet they are all about making it crucial that they put this on the Directors that report to them.
This distance and lack of “real” honesty about self-awareness and critical feedback to all levels is where I see the big fail is on these new “lean” systems.
Taken from the article and how I would so love to see more answer…
Ask Questions with the Word “You” in Them: Questions that have “you” in them put the focus on the person, not the problem. They cause people to think and reflect. Examples include:
For the full story visit “Three Ways to Coach the Person, Not the Problem“
Ed. Note: I recently came across the original of this post, which I wrote several years ago for a workshop series I was doing on “Burnout” and a corresponding feature magazine. While reviewing it, it struck me as well worth taking some time to revise. Updating and expanding on some of the “lessons learned” based on my own life experiences and those from clients with whom I have had the pleasure to assist since.
This isn’t the only way to see or navigate through “Burnout” of any kind. This is just one lens I found helpful and others have resonated with, so I offer it to you in the spirit of sharing and encourage you consider this a “gift of experience”.
As with any activity that takes up large amounts of time and effort, staying a sexually active, aware, and engaged person can reach a stage in your life when it begins to lose some texture and meaning. When this happens, these moments feel less pleasurable and satisfying. For you “my sex is fine, thank you,” readers out there, you can replace the word “sex” with work, love, volunteering etc.
For many people, the warning signals or “flags” that pop up when in burnout are buried under the many levels of stress that we all operate under on a day to day basis. The potential outcome can range from a loss of enjoyment or satiation, reduction in sex-seeking, or even poor negotiations with a sexual partner. Left unchecked, it also could be the basis for relationships to change, leading to a growing sense of isolation and an overwhelming feeling of unhappiness with yourself and/or friends.
The reality of being “burnt-out,” whether emotionally, physically, professionally, mentally and/or sexually, doesn’t just “happen.” It slowly accumulates over a period of time until a sense of awareness emerges that some activities have begun to hold less of our attention or interest. We may find ourselves with a reticence to be available to others and lacking the motivation to continue relationships and activities. Being “burnt-out” isn’t a place you have to stay in or have to even go to, but it does mean having a daily awareness of how you feel.
Had I known some of these tips I am sharing below, and kept the list handy when it happened to me, I could have saved myself time, money and self-doubt over the months that followed. But what I did learn was some of the following ways of keeping my own love and sex life fresh and exciting. More importantly, I learned to give back to myself as much as I give out.
Below is just a few personal queries that I have learned that help to identify the potential “flags” to burn-out, and some thoughts on how to transition through it. If you have a serious situation or need further support, I suggest you contact a friendly therapist to help you negotiate this journey.
The MentorSF Self Assessment for “Burners To Be”
I found that keeping this list handy, and visible in a place you can occasionally glance at, is a good way to “check yourself” without obsessing over it. Just the simple glance at some of these statements can serve as a reminder of the art of engaged self-examination and is a useful guide for routine personal care.
Get your printable Self Assessment here: MentorSF Self Assessment for “Burners To Be”
15 Reminders For Staying Engaged & Present
There are lots of ways to keep your life fresh, vibrant, and exciting. But they all take a first step, which you have to do for yourself, in your own time and using ways that feel right for you. Over the years, I have experienced (or spoken with friends who have tried) various techniques. One that seems to be continually mentioned is learning how to limit yourself to those experiences about which you feel safe and good, and to recognize the amount of intimacy and awareness you need to stay present and fulfilled. Take a look at my top 15 reminders below. (But remember, this list is not complete, and should not be used as a replacement for a trained
professional therapist.)
Know why you want to socialize with a specific person(s), or do a certain type of activities.
Learn something or better yet “Relearn it”. Show up at a class for something you think you know how to do. Shut-up, sit down and listen, keep your “experiences” out of the class that night. You might just hear why again you enjoyed doing it in the first place.
Learn the difference between lust and intimacy, and know which place you want to operate from.
Take a break or time away. There is no immutable law saying you can’t go a period of time without extra work, being social, or having sex.
Talk to your friends and, especially, your partners about your feelings. This isn’t a time to keep them in the dark.
Keep in mind that sex and romance is fluid in nature. Therefore, your interest levels and turn-ons will change over time. You may need (and want!) to examine some new techniques or activities.
Break your routines. Modify the style or order in which you do things. Change-up the places you meet people, your seduction techniques, how you dress, the kinds of entertainment you default too or even how you start your day.
Never do anything because you feel you “have to.” Learn to say “NO”.
Do something with a beginner, not to “teach,” but to enjoy the experience of newness, and of learning.
Know what you want, know what you need, and know the differences between them.
Learn to recognize your limits and those of the people around you.
Recognize “what you bring to the table.”
Value yourself.
Be willing to forgive. No one gets it right the first time and can sustain change without practice and the occasional fail.
Remember – changing patterns takes consistency and rime. It’s a a valuable contribution of energy to yourself so don’t try to cheat it.
Get your printable reminder list here: 15 Reminders for staying Engaged and Present via MentorSF.com
You Do Have It Within You
None of these ideas are unique. Most of us can have a personal “Aha!” moment at any given time. My thinking behind this list is to help you explore different tools to keep in your conscious thoughts while working through your burnout period. Now, ask yourself, “How can I practice more than five from this list daily or weekly?!”
Came across this article earlier this week and was greatly impressed buy its write up.
According to SOAS University of London (@SOAS), Twitter averaged 319 million monthly active users. But what was fascinating were the graphics on the number that were related to global issues. With more than half on societal issues, almost 13% around diseases, mostly about HIV/AIDS
Image credit ‘SOAS University of London’
For the full story, visit Twitter study: Number of Tweets for UN real world issues
Two must read posts from Beth Kanter and Ashley Tan went up today on ways to make “talks” not only more useful but more engaged. While some event hosts often think that numbers alone is a value to the event. We, as trainers and educators understand that success is measured by how valued and absorbed our content is by the listeners. Keeping them engaged and personal with the material, especially in large rooms is a challenge for many of us.
Beth Kanter, shared on her blog; Trainer’s Notebook: Online Interaction Tools To Engage Your Audience in the Room and Beyond detials some of the tools she used for a recent series of talks. This first hand experience really helps when sorting through the portfolio of tools available. She included thoughts about using Slido and other applications she has used in the past.
Her objectives were simple, she wanted tools that;
Ashley Tan, posted some great parrallel thoughts on his post: Strategies for interacting with participants and shared his thinking on backchannel communication (Dr. Tan defines “backchannel as an online space for participants to comment, discuss, and ask questions while I am speaking or after I have asked them to consider an issue“) using Twitter, TodaysMeet and also mentions how to adapt Google Slides for a more interactive experience with the audience. His use of tools like Google Forms and AnswerGarden for data collecting and collating were also good options for those of you like to keep metrics.
Both these stellar trainers provided many other tips on these recent post and I encourage you to check them out and try some for yourself.
As a trainer at both local and national levels and an adjunct educator, I have been usin
g Twitter for sometime in both class rooms as well as the national trainings and even went as far as to create a specific page on my website MentorSF.com so that on the day of trainings I can track the hashtags for that trending theme. For some trainings I even establish a unique hashtag for it, otherwise I tend to prefer to use my standard #MentorSFCA.
Other tools I tend to like to use include Piazza as a external discussion board, this works great when I want people to interact with guest who might not me on the learning platform I am on at the moment.
Symbaloo which offers a great way to create a “grid” that you can customize with links and add to a slide presentation or set as your browser, by having presenters or presentations and videos preloaded on it. 
Hint to educators with group student presentations – with a little effort the night before, you can save a hug month of lost time with changing memory sticks, links that don’t embed into slides etc with Symbaloo.
