As you can read below – in July 2018 I got to do my first TEDx talk for TEDxProvincetown’s first TEDx program. A year later it is still getting mileage and viewers.
Click to get the link
Last month I got a chance to record a “prequel” for the StoryCenter.org and the CA Library Story collections called “What You See, Isn’t Always What You Know”. This included some of the backstories to my world in time for June’s Pride Celebrations.
More recently a mention went out in my college Alumni Summer 2019 Quinnipiac newsletter. Go figure, only took a year!
But what is amazing me is that at the latest count
Ok so maybe not the kind of numbers that would land me on the Ellen Show, but hey, that’s huge to see that this many people want to listen to a perspective on stigma, being big, gay and hairy in a “Ken Doll World”.
My huge appreciation for those of you that shared it with your groups and networks or took the time to watch it yourselves.
July 2018
Just when my life could not get any more interesting with all the balls I constantly juggle; earlier this year, I was asked to do an actual licensed TEDx Talk as part of the first TEDxProvincetown that would address the concept of surviving and thriving in “differentness” in a world that supports “sameness”.
Several months later, I was one of the lucky 10 people participating in Provincetown’s first TEDxProvincetown series this summer and sharing the stage with an incredible group of people. I am excited to say the full set of speaker links have finally gone live. Including mine!
But why TEDxProvincetown?
Sharing who I was has never been an issue. I learned early on, to be the best I can be today, meant often owning who I was in the past. So, in this case, it played out on the TEDx platform. 26 years ago, I left my life, commuting between Boston and Provincetown for an opportunity to work in San Francisco. I was then working in progressive sexual adult content mediums and communication structures addressing often ignored, overlooked, marginalized and underserved communities. Some of them included men like me, gay & bisexual men who didn’t fit with the then gay male archetype; who often struggled to find to a sense of identity with so few role-models to draw from.
So what happens? 26 years later I find myself talking about those very same issues to a wider audience! Of course, this partner’s perfect with the push in my efforts with MentorSFCA.com to support all people in making the “best fit” choices for themselves and creating what they need when they don’t see it offered.
So it was an honor to share my experience as a gay man on body shaming, invisibility, resilience, and lessons learned from a “bigger” perspective with an incredible group of people.
Promo Card
Owning the words
Owning it more
Noah of BestBees and I breathing after the show
And here it is!
Did you like it?
I Need Your Help
I am proud to have been able to address body shaming, invisibility, and love beyond limits as part of the TEDxProvincetown program to audiences that extended beyond just gay men, including people of all types, ages, genders, and orientations.
I want to spread the word spread. Help me share the message to all audiences. This talk is one of the first licensed TEDx talks that actually addresses body shaming, sex, inclusion, and visibility from a bigger-bodied gay man’s experience. Because of this, it has the potential opportunity to reinforce that desire and love can blossom no matter the body type. The more views the talk gets, the higher it ranks and the better the chances that it gets picked up for wider distribution. I’m asking that you include the link below in any announcement lists, email, newsletters or websites in an attempt to get the widest scope.
How Can You Help?
Simple. Share the video link with your friends. Share it on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Anywhere you think people will see it. Don’t hold back to only LGBTQ audiences. This is a message for everyone. If you liked any of the other talks – share them too!
Want more of it?
I am working on the extended version of this talk and it and other presentations will be available online as well as on the road. If you or your group would like to discuss my speaking in your area, please email me at [email protected]
Sharing the talk is as easy as 1-2-3:
1. Copy and paste the link below
2. Add a comment of your own that you think your followers and friends would get intrigued by and want to watch it.
3. Add a few of the “hashtags” (Those words followed by a #) to help it show up in searches.
** Don’t forget youtube also allows you to use the embedded code as I did above if you prefer to have the video sit and play on your websites too.
All 10 of the talks were outstanding and different so you may enjoy checking out one of the other co-presenters by checking out the full speaker’s playlist for all 10 talks here
With the fast-paced world that we live in, stress has almost become a fact of life. Being exposed to stress over long periods of time can begin to take a toll on one’s health and well-being. While it is important to address the cause of your stress, small steps can be taken to minimize the discomfort from the symptoms of stress and prevent further damage.
1. Upset Stomach
Chronic stress can leave your stomach in knots. If you’re noticing an increase in diarrhea, nausea, or constipation, it may be due to increased stress levels. Keeping a healthy diet and avoiding trigger foods, such as fried foods, may help temporarily alleviate an upset stomach.
2. Teeth Grinding or Clenching
Grinding of the teeth or clenching your jaw is a side effect of stress that you may not be aware of until someone else points it out because it often will occur while you are sleeping. Clenching of the jaw can be an unconscious reaction to stress and can happen during the day, as well. According to North End Dental Associates, “Night guards are recommended for people who clench or grind their teeth at night to protect their teeth from serious damage.”
3. Frequent Headaches
If you find yourself getting a headache once a day or a few times a week, it may be due to high-stress levels. Taking an over-the-counter pain reliever may help temporarily decrease the pain. Frequent headaches may also be a sign of dehydration; drinking the daily recommended amount of water may help to alleviate headaches.
4. Low Immune System
A particularly distressing side effect of being too stressed out is being sick all the time. It is important to take the time that your body needs to recover and rest while you are sick. It is well-known that stress lowers the body’s immune system, which makes it harder to fight off viruses and infections. According to Harvard Health Publishing, “General healthy-living strategies are a good way to start giving your immune system the upper hand.”
5. Low Energy
If your body is constantly in a high state of stress, it will leave you feeling worn down very quickly. Low energy can also be due to not sleeping well at night due to stress. It is not always feasible to give your body rest during the day when it needs it; however, it is important to be getting the recommended eight hours of sleep per night at a minimum.
Short-term remedies are enough to treat the side effects of stress temporarily but to truly recover, you must address the cause of your stress. Many people benefit greatly from talking with a lifestyle coach or therapist to identify the cause of their stress and to develop effective methods to eliminate their stress.
Allowing your self to try something new is always scary and many times that makes it easy to ignore or discount it as useful. Yoga, acupuncture and other forms of treatments that you are not familiar with may seem beyond you at the moment. But many times if you can just take the risk and try something – you may find some relief and learn something new about yourself too. For instance, a friend of mine recently shared this video with me about yoga. While I am not a big fan of it for myself I know far too many folks who have success with it to “poo poo” it. So even I am trying it to fight some potential issues with a pesky case of plantar fasciitis before it gets worse.
No one wants to see a loved one suffer when help is within reach. It’s hard to watch someone spiral out of control, losing everything that they’ve worked so hard for in life. They could have been arrested because they were driving while intoxicated or they were let go from their dream job because of their addiction. Whatever it is, mental health-related addiction is the cause of it and they need help. These rude awakenings may not be enough to get them to realize that they need help. When someone is struggling with mental health concerns, you can’t just stand by and do nothing because the chances are that they can’t fix their lives on their own and they need someone. Addiction is a disease that plagues so many, but luckily, there is always help.
Talk About It
Talking to someone for the first time about addiction can be tough. Chances are that they know they have a problem but they don’t want to hear it from someone else. Addicts don’t want to hear how their life is crumbling and that it’s because of the poor choices they’re making. That’s why it’s crucial to tread lightly when bringing up an addiction. Never make the person feel like they’re a failure, instead, show them that there are options to get clean. The Recovery Village says it’s important to be informed and knowledgable about your loved one’s addiction. The best way to become educated is to talk with them and seek to understand, while not judging.
Be Supportive
When someone is struggling with addiction, there is one main thing that they need. They need support from friends and family alike. That support can make or break their decision to get clean. According to rehab center experts, “during difficult times of struggle, ailment, and addiction, it’s not only the person with the problem or illness that’s affected; family members and friends are oftentimes just as much a part of the path to recovery and improvement as the patient themselves.” Support means everything because it tells this person, “we believe in you and we will do everything we can to help you get clean.” It also means growing with them and learning just as they are. In addition, this support isn’t just emotional. Those trying to get clean will also need people to rely on for physical aspects like rides to rehab and even just a home cooked meal to help feel like valued and cared about.
Offer Resources
When a person wants to get clean, they’ll be surprised at just how many resources there are available to them. Chances are, however, that they won’t look into these themselves. They need someone else guiding them along the way and pushing them to get clean. When a drug has taken hold of an addicts brain, it’s hard for them to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s up to that core support group to show this person struggling that there are options such as rehab whether it be inpatient or outpatient, meetings, counseling, and more. It’s all about coming up with a plan that supports them.
Accept The Ups and Downs
Addiction is a disease and loving someone with that disease is a process. Experts say to make sure you are available for that person for the good times and the bad, and show that you want to help. That’s why family and friends must accept that every day won’t be easy. Getting clean is something the recovering addict will struggle with for weeks, months, and even years. That’s why that core support group is so essential.
If you’re looking for help in your journey, either as someone who is recovering or as a loved one, make sure to take the right steps to set yourself up for success. If you are wanting some additional guidance, I recommend reading some of our other articles which you can find here and here.
More recently a mention went out in my college Alumni Summer 2019 Quinnipiac newsletter. Go figure, only took a year!
How Can You Help?
Sharing the talk is as easy as 1-2-3:
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